You Are Not Even Close to Being a Field of Cornflowers at Dusk: What Delusion Does - and Doesn't Do - for a Happy Marriage

My good friends O and Lo introduced me to the poet Billy Collins this past weekend. A former Nobel Laureate, he's a great poet for those of us who don't often like traditional poetry. His poem "Litany" is a delight - it's even more delightful to hear him read it:

But in case you're not going to watch the video - here's the text:

Litany
 You are the bread and the knife,
The crystal goblet and the wine...
-Jacques Crickillon

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general's head,
but you are not even close
to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman's tea cup.
But don't worry, I'm not the bread and the knife.
You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and--somehow--the wine.
 (Text taken from http://poemhunter.com/poem/litany/.)

I love Collins' poetic poking at our romantic tendency to idealize our lovers: the metaphors we use border on delusion. In this poem he somehow makes fun of our romanticism, and also idealizes it. I guess that's why he's the Nobel Laureate, and I'm just an amateur blogger.

There's something to be said for delusion in love. Researchers at the University of Buffalo found that, among 222 couples who were registering for marriage licenses, those who inflated their partners intelligence or appearance also reported being happier. In short, this means it's delightful to be loved by someone who thinks you're beautiful (or handsome), even if the world can't see it.

At the same time, there's much to be said for entering a relationship with your eyes wide open - knowing your partner isn't, as Billy Collins would say, the field of cornflowers at dusk. It's freeing as well not to be expected to be the goblet and wine, at least all the time.

Delusion and realism: a happy combination that a happy marriage makes. Thanks, Billy Collins.

PS - Just for fun, visit YouTube and search for "Litany 3 year old."