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| Yep. This doesn't look good. (Borrowed photo from here.) |
Being grounded is different than being stuck.
This is one of those obvious pieces of brilliance that we never forget but never quite remember either. So since Saturday I've been looking at different aspects of my life, and asking, "Am I grounded, or am I stuck?"
It's a fun little mental game. Being grounded is when you feel settled and at peace. Things might be a little routine, but the routine is comforting for both partners. Being stuck is when you can't or won't break out of the routine on occasion. It's having the same fight over and over. It's never doing anything but Netflix on Friday night. It's not having taken your socks off in bed since the honeymoon.
In her book "Divorce Busting" (which I highly recommend, by the way), psychologist Michelle Weiner-Davis tells a great story from anthropologist Gregory Bateson, who is probably best known for being Margaret Mead's third (and most lasting) husband.
Bateson was asked to observe some otters at a zoo. The otters, normally playful, and grown quite listless over the course of several weeks, to the point that their health was endangered because of their lazy behavior. Bateson observed them for awhile, noting their inactivity. On a lark, he dangled a piece of paper tied to a string into their pool, and suddenly the otters were wild with activity.
The otters were bored. They were stuck. All it took to shake things up was a little variation in their scenery: a simple piece of paper on a string.
What's your paper to get you unstuck? Weiner-Davis says when you come to an impasse, a place of being stuck, big or small, Change Something. Anything. Have that same fight in the shower. Move furniture around. Try a new restaurant. Get unstuck.
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