Cut the Bastard People Some Slack

Headlines should get people's attention, right? 

Perhaps you recognize the phrase "Bastard People" from the mockumentary classic, Waiting for Guffman. We watch it about once a year here in the Johnson household, and always guffaw at the scene where aspiring theater director Corky St. Clair (pictured in the movie poster) delivers a mournful soliloquy when he learns his small town won't fund a $100,000 musical about the town's history.

It's worth watching the clip here at YouTube.

Assuming you didn't watch the clip and haven't seen the movie, here's what happens: Corky sort of loses it, but in a very quiet way. And he ends up declaring that the whole town council are "bastard people" because of their decision not to fund his pet project.

We've all encountered bastard people, right? (I know some of you don't like language: hang with me anyway, okay? Besides, Cliff assures me swearing is okay as long as it's a quote.) The guy driving the car that swings into the parking spot you were politely signaling to take. The woman at the restaurant who berates the $7/hour waitress for messing up her order. The clerk at the city office who neglects to tell you to complete a certain form, forcing you to wait in the 30 minute line for a second time.

Maybe there are days you feel you're married to a bastard person: I won't even bother giving examples, because you can probably think of your own.

But here's the thing, the town council in Waiting for Guffman wasn't really full of bastards: they were probably nice family people who rescue cats from tall trees and take cookies to the widower down the street. The guy who took your parking spot was probably preoccupied, thinking about the pro bono law case he was working on. The woman at the restaurant might have just gotten off the phone with the hospice care nurse at her mother's house. That city clerk probably sings in her church choir and volunteers with the Red Cross.

We have a tendency to view other people's situational actions (stealing your parking spot) as a reflection of their overall character. This is called "fundamental attribution error." Gretchen Rubin, in The Happiness Project, explains it this way:

When other people's cell phones ring during a movie, it's because they're inconsiderate boors; if my cell phone rings during a movie, it's because I need to be able to take a call from the babysitter.

The truth is, we all behave like bastard people sometimes. And if we're all bastard people, then none of us are. Deep, I know.

This  is especially true of your spouse. When you're tempted to define him or her as "lazy"or "irresponsible" or "controlling" or "argumentative," remember that one circumstance does not a character make. 

When I find ungracious adjectives creeping into my vocabulary in reference to Cliff, I remind myself of "fundamental attribution error." I tell myself that Cliff deserves the benefit of the doubt. He deserves my unconditional positive regard. And, when necessary, he deserves my gentle disregard. Thankfully, he extends the same grace to me.

So the moral of today's story is, Cut the Bastard People Some Slack, because they probably aren't really bastards at all.

PS - just for good measure, I feel it's necessary to add this word of caution: Please don't Google the phrase "bastard people." You'll end up annoyed or offended. Promise.