Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Choking: Ten Years of Marriage, and I Still Can't Parallel Park with Cliff in the Car

I remember taking driver's ed as a 15 year-old in Warrensburg, Illinois, population 1400. It seemed a little ridiculous that parallel parking was a requirement of the test. When would that ever be needed in Warrensburg?

Fast forward ten years to the Uptown neighborhood of Chicago, where finding a parking spot was roughly equivalent to getting a top deal on Black Friday: not technically impossible, but incredibly unpleasant just the same.

Needless to say, I learned to be proficient at parallel parking. I won't claim to be a pro - I still have to rock back and forth almost every time - but I don't avoid doing it either. Except when Cliff is in the car.

I find it technically impossible to parallel park if Cliff is in the car. You can see an illustration of how it always ends up in the picture above: more than once I've gotten to this point, slammed the car into park, and said, "Why don't you just do it." Then I walk into the house in a huff, as if Cliff had said something derogatory about my abilities, which of course he didn't.

Parallel parking is the only thing I can think of that really causes me to freeze in front of Cliff. But thankfully I'm not the only one. University of Chicago assistant professor of psychology Sian Beilock has the same parallel parking issues in front of her husband. She calls it choking, and has written a book (Choke: What the Secrets of the Brain Reveal About Getting It Right When You Have To). When faced with "performance anxieties," she recommends:
  1. Distract yourself
  2. Don't slow down
  3. Focus on the outcome, not the mechanics
  4. Find a key word (a one-word mantra)
  5. Focus on the positive
  6. Change your grip 
(These tips come from an article in University of Chicago Magazine.)

Items 1, 2 and 6 seem to be spectacularly bad advice for parallel parking, but I plan to try the others the next time I have to park with Cliff in the car.

My theory on the parallel parking issue is that deep down, I don't want Cliff to think I'm unimpressive, about anything. (Funny, since no one knows my complete unimpressiveness more than he does.) We want (and need?) to be seen as competent and capable in front of our partners. The more we fixate on that, the more we choke.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds it impossible to do something they're normally completely capable of in front of their spouse. Anyone? Anyone? Share what you choke on, and your theory of why.


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