Is the Seven-Year Itch Real?

More than just a movie title, "The Seven-Year Itch" is a phrase we've grown up with, and perhaps without giving it much thought, you assumed it was a real phenomenon.

The screenwriter who coined the phrase, George Axelrod, borrowed it from a comedian. (For the full origin of the phrase, visit this link. Warning, it's a bit disgusting.) Originally it had no grounding in statistical research or even popular psychology. But Axelrod was on to something, because the latest round of marriage statistics from the Census Bureau reveals that the median length of marriage at time of separation is ... wait for it ... seven years.

Why is seven some sort of magic number? Every marriage has their own reasons, of course, but that doesn't keep me from hazarding a general guess: seven years is the point you realize this really doesn't stop. It's the longest you've ever done anything. And aren't we all addicted, at least a little, to change?

Think about it: high school was four years, college was four or five, you spent a few years at your first job, you moved apartments every year or two. Even your groups of friends shifted every few years. Hobbies, hair color, all these things change. Marriage ... not so much.

On your seventh wedding anniversary, you may very well be celebrating not just your union, but also the anniversary of the longest you've ever done anything.

Phases of Marriage

In the early stages of your relationship - and this can last for a few years - you're in a period psychologists call "limerence." This is the experience of being head over heels. You think about your mate incessantly, annoy your friends and colleagues by referencing them in conversation unnecessarily, and feel a level of emotion that is possibly unequaled to any other experience. (I've written about this stage before in the post "Nothing Gold Can Stay.")

This stage is fun while it lasts, but it's meant to go away. It gives way to a reality or accommodation phase where you have to tackle things together: daily stuff like who takes out the trash, or who does the taxes.

This accommodation phase often gives way to a challenge phase - and it seems to me this coincides with the seven-year itch. (For an interesting article on the phases of marriage, check out this link.)

So How Do You Avoid the Itch?

Maybe the itch isn't all bad, as long as you don't scratch. If it causes you to redouble your efforts to create a stable marriage, then it's a helpful stimulus.

Psychology Today bloggers Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz offer seven thoughts on avoiding the itch here. They remind readers that getting married doesn't make you any less human: feelings of temptation are natural. Acting on those feelings is what should be avoided.

If I recall correctly, the actor playing opposite of Marilyn Monroe in the movie walks right to the edge of temptation - and then returns to his wife.