I just read an interesting and somewhat esoteric article by Douglas LaBier, a business psychologists and Huffington Post commentator.
We have an abundance of marriage advice that fills websites, overruns bookstore shelves, and flows from the mouths of well-meaning friends, LaBier argues. But none of it works, he says, because it's focused on method rather than "your spiritual core."
By "spiritual core," LaBier means "your sense of purpose and life goals as a couple, and how your values and ideals may change and evolve over the years, as separate individuals and as a couple." I'd define that as intimacy, or at least part of it.
He contrasts your "spiritual core" relationship with "functional relationships" - which "may work fairly well for dealing with the logistics of daily life, but in which intimacy keeps heading south the longer you're together."
LaBier's comments remind me of a friend of mine, who told me that "marriage is part method, part mystery." LaBier is begging us to pay attention to the mystery: the remarkable meaning that develops between a couple that commits to growing old together and makes the personal, life-long investments it takes to do so happily.
Contradicting his own earlier comments, LaBier then offers some advice: ideas for how to improve your relationship's spiritual core. His advice centers around John Gottman's research that finds resilient relationships show mutual support and a willingness to sacrifice.
You can check out his comments at Why Relationship Advice Fails, and What to Do When it Does.
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