How Running Makes Me a Better Wife

First, it must be said that I hate running and I always have.

In junior high I was that awkward girl in generic Keds whose hair managed to be both flat and frizzy at the same time. And I never felt more awkward than when I was forced, in that most dreaded of all classes, P.E., to run a mile around the cinder track at our school. Within seconds I had shin splits and side cramps. I used to wish I was one of those girls who had debilitating PMS cramping, just so I could skip running a few days a month.

Fast forward 20+ years: running still intimidates me. But three or four times a week you can find me pounding out a few miles on my old treadmill or around the local park. And it's not just for the health benefits.

Okay, it is mostly for the health benefits. But there are other benefits as well: I think it makes me a better wife. Here's how:

1. Running gives me a sense of accomplishment. My innate ability to run is so low that I hit new milestones practically every week. I celebrated as I completed my first five minutes without walking (and then at 10, and 20, and 30, and 40 minutes, and ... okay, that's just about as far as I've ever run, but I'm still proud). I applaud myself when I pick up the pace. I feel proud when I keep up with a friend who has been running longer, when I drag myself outside on a cold day, when I manage to run three days in a row, or when I push myself past a side cramp and a bad attitude and keep running even though I don't feel like it.

How does that make me a better wife? When I'm proud of myself I feel more self-confident, and that has a positive effect on my relationship with Cliff. He feels proud of me too, and his high-fives mean more to me than anyone else's.

Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. You need milestones to celebrate along the way, and they can't all be big ones like a job promotion, a new child, or a vacation. Celebrating the daily things together, and taking pride in one another along the way, helps keep us healthy as a couple.

2. Running is something that I do, and he doesn't. Cliff has a good reason for not running: he had a hip replacement a few years ago and he's under doctor's orders not to run. He bikes instead.

Because he doesn't run, it gets to be something I do alone. It's a good excuse to leave him with the kids on a sunny Sunday afternoon and spend 45 minutes on myself. For me, that's a treat.

Also because he doesn't run, it means this is something we can't be competitive, or jealous, about. Cliff and I share a similar set of skills and hobbies, and I can often find myself getting overly competitive. When we joined the Peace Corps together he learned to speak Tongan faster than I did and the teachers congratulated him by comparing him to me. I didn't take this well.

So running is something that is just mine. I believe having things that are yours, and yours alone, can contribute to a healthy marriage. Seeing each other as individuals is important - it keeps us interesting.

3. Running makes me healthier. I'm not talking here about physical health, though that is true. Running makes me emotionally healthier too. Really any form of exercise would probably have the same result.

When I take time to exercise, my head is clearer. The aches and pains I've been nursing all day actually disappear. The endless chatter in my head ceases as I concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. The little frustrations that were possessing my thoughts before I got on the treadmill have usually subsided by the time I step off.

So for all those reasons, and probably more, running makes me a better wife. What makes you a better partner? Perhaps it's woodworking or scrap-booking or baking. Maybe it's guitar playing or painting or stamp collecting. Whatever it is, stick with it. Strong marriages are made from two strong individuals - find the things that give you pride, personality, and energy. Then go for it.


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