Get Out of the Gift-Giving Rut: How to Surprise Your Spouse this Christmas

Photo by mysza83 from Flickr. Used w/permission.

First, let me clear something up: No, there are no kinky suggestions in this post. Sorry to disappoint. Second, be warned: this gets pretty nerdy.

Now, let's get started:

I'm lucky enough to be married to a man who gives terrific gifts. And he has it easy, as we have a mutual agreement not to give each other Christmas or Valentine's gifts, so he really only has to bring the magic to my birthday. (Which he manages to do, year after year.)

Even so, I know I sometimes struggle to figure out what to give Cliff for his birthday (which happens to be today). We're at a point in life where we have what we need, and a lot of what we want. And the stuff we want but don't have ... well, there's often a good reason for that (like it's too expensive or too impractical). Coming up with a "Wow!" gift is a challenge.

I hear other people saying the same things about buying for their spouses. Faced with the daunting task of finding the perfect gift, it's easy to revert to the routine: bottle of perfume, Craftsman tools. My mom put Old Spice in my dad's stocking for a decade, before learning he didn't actually like the smell.

One night last week when I couldn't sleep, I got to thinking about this problem: how do you come up with creative gifts, year after year? Then I realized that some of my favorite gifts from Cliff weren't especially creative: some were practical, even predictable. But I still liked them - and he kept me guessing by having a "Wow!" gift occasionally. Essentially, Cliff has created an unconscious rotational system of gifts. Take a look at this 2x2 and then let me explain what I mean:

If you're not familiar with 2x2's, they're basically an XY matrix (I warned you this would get nerdy), where each quadrant represents a different combination of characteristics. In this case there are two continuums: Fun to Practical and Creative to Predictable. The lower left quadrant shows gifts that are both Predictable and Fun. The upper right is Creative and Practical. You get the point.

The gifts you see on the 2x2 are some of the favorites we've given each other over the years. All good gifts, all perfectly appropriate. My favorite on here is the antique typewriter in the Fun and Creative quadrant: it's the best gift I've ever received. I love it most of all because Cliff knew me enough to give me a gift that fed the writer in me, and found a way to do so creatively. (It's also one of the least expensive items on the matrix: when you're in the Creative & Fun quadrant, the cash value of the gift doesn't matter.)

You can't hit it out of the ballpark like that every year. There's nothing wrong with grabbing something off your spouse's Amazon Wish List: it's sure to make him or her happy, right?

So here's my proposal: put yourself on a rotation through the quadrants. Try to have a "Wow!" gift - Creative and Fun - every few years. Pick up Practical and Predictable items in the years in between. This year's birthday gift for Cliff, which he'll get tonight, is in the Creative and Practical quadrant.

Of course, this doesn't answer the primary question of exactly what to get your spouse. I can't help you there. But I hope it does take some of the pressure off to deliver a "Wow!" gift every year. It's okay to be predictable and pratical: just not always.