If You Want Your Resolution to Stick, Resolve Together

In January 2011, my New Year's resolution was to start a blog - this one. My goal was to end the year with a minimum of one post per week. At the close of December, Cliff and I had 133 posts on this blog (and that was with taking much of the month off), so I guess this was one of those rare resolutions that actually stuck.

About half of all Americans make New Year's resolutions in any given year, and only 10% of them last. (I actually think that might be high. As a little experiment, think of all the resolutions you've made and kept. I can officially think of two.)

The most common resolutions are to lose weight, exercise more, stop smoking, spend more time with the family, and get out of debt. You know what these things have in common? If you're married, your success will almost certainly be dependent on the support you get from your spouse. 

It would be tough for me to lose weight if Cliff taunted me with a bowl of ice cream every night at 10 p.m. You can't balance the budget without agreeing, together, on how to spend the income you have. 

If you want this year's resolution to make it into the national 10% of successful ones, then consider resolving together with your partner. This doesn't mean you have to have the same resolution - it just means you have to agree to support each other. Here's how:

Make your resolution public - at least to your spouse. We've all had the stealth-resolution before: "I'll try this for a few days to see if it sticks, before I tell anyone." Skip that this year and confess to your partner today.

Tell your spouse how to support you. If you know what you need, don't expect your spouse to figure it out on his or her own. Say something like this, "Honey, I'm trying to lose 10 pounds by summer. Will you help me think of some quick suppers we can fix so we don't just pick up a pizza when we get busy?" 

Establish the level of accountability you want. Some people want their partners watching out for resolution-infractions; others don't want to turn their wife into Big Brother. Figure out how much accountability you want, and make it clear: "If I'm going to save more, I have to cut my discretionary spending. I'll review my spending every two weeks: when you see me doing the budget, will you ask how I feel about the progress I'm making?" 

Consider the sacrifices you make for your spouse as a sign of your love. Frustrated that you're stuck with the kids on Saturday morning while your husband trains for a marathon? Instead of grousing about the inconvenience, accept the sacrifice as an important way to support your spouse and show your love. (The converse, of course, is to recognize the sacrifices your spouse is making and thank him or her profusely.)

Plan 30- and 60-day check-ins. Set aside time on your calendar to go over your resolutions and goals with your partner. Make a date of it - even if it's just an "after the kids go to bed, on the living room couch" sort of date - and hold yourselves accountable to showing up. 

Pick a safe word. Remember, when you were a kid, you could always scream "Uncle!" to tell your friends you were willing to surrender the wrestling match? Resolutions need to come with a safe word too. This is a way to tell your partner that you're giving up: sure, I meant to write a novel in 2012, but it looks like it will have to be 2013 instead. Uncle! Once you've given this word, you're off the hook.

What are your resolutions for 2012, and how is your partner supporting you? I'm certain I survived my 2011 Blog Resolution because Cliff was a willing partner and supporter. I hope your spouse does the same for you. 

-----

Bonus materials:

We've blogged before about the importance of having your partner's back ... which seems relevant to this post on supporting each other through New Year's Resolutions. Check out these links:

Protecting Your Marriage's Blind Side - featuring Jay Cutler, before the season crashed and burned. 

What it Feels Like When Someone Has Your Back - featuring a funny story about becoming a dentist