Why Reading Fiction is Good for Your Marriage

My daughter with the books she felt she must read before nap. 

Guess she's on her way to high emotional intelligence. 

I love novels but I try not to read more than a few a year. Why? Because when I let myself get lost in a book, I get really lost: I've found myself praying for fictional characters before. And while that kind of distraction is a blast, it's murder for your To Do list, and not so great for the husband and kids that want your attention too.

Luckily, I'm married to a man who likes a good novel too - and so on our five day 10th anniversary trip, we each read the entire Hunger Games series. Delightful. Turns out, reading fiction was a darn good way to make us better partners.

Last week Harvard Business Review's Anne Kreamer published a post titled, "The Business Case for Reading Fiction." (Thank you, Ms. Kreamer, for giving me an excuse to read instead of tackle my email inbox.) Kreamer makes the case - through research - that reading gives us a level of emotional intelligence that makes us better colleagues. And, by extension, better partners or parents.

The research Kreamer highlights shows that reading fiction makes you better at perceiving emotion in the eyes and interpreting social cues. (This, perhaps, explains why all the science fiction nerds you knew in high school are now happily married to hotter-than-expected spouses.) Fiction also develops your empathy skills, which means you respond with, "I'm so sorry to hear that," when your wife tells you about her awful day at work, rather than, "Not again. I will not hear this story again."

I'm also convinced that reading can feed our need for adventure, as we live vicariously through the characters. When you're in year 10 of what you hope will be a life-long marriage, a little safe adventure is a good thing.

In our relationship, reading the same books, sometimes even aloud, has been a great way to spur conversations about ethical choices, our future dreams, and social issues. It's also made long car trips fun adventures instead of a drag. (Now that our kids are old enough to listen in, we've moved to the books of Roald Dahl, which are kid-safe but delightfully entertaining for adults.)

I didn't need another excuse to love good fiction, but I'll take it. Thanks, Ms. Kreamer. And friends, tell me what books you've been engrossed by lately: I think it's time for date night at the library.