Chillaxing

Every single time you flip on your television or open a magazine, you are besieged with suggestions on how you should relax. Have a beer with friends. Vacation at this exclusive resort. Buy something new for yourself. The basic premise is pretty simple: we’re all working hard, and we’re all deserving of some rest and relaxation. But even the entry level folks over at Leo Burnett know that some ads target men and some ads target women. The reasoning behind this strategy is that men and women relax differently. And now there’s a new piece of scientific evidence.

The Center for the Everyday Lives of Families at UCLA measured stress hormones and daily activities among 30 families, every one of which involved two working spouses and at least one child. Real relaxation typically involves a significant drop in cortisol levels, a sure sign that the day’s stress is fading away. Interestingly enough, women recorded healthier cortisol levels when their husbands helped with housework; men lowered their cortisol levels when their wives worked on housework while they relaxed. One of the study’s authors, Elinor Ochs, went so far as to say, “When (women) are alone, they tend to be doing housework. When men are alone, they tend to be relaxing.” Well – ahem – I was obviously shocked by these findings. Check out more about the study here:

http://www.digtriad.com/news/article/176139/176/Men-Relax-Best-WhenWives-Are-Busy-According-To-Study

Allow me to step away from these abstract studies for a moment and provide some real life examples from the Johnson household. When I arrive home from work every day, I am greeted by two of the most adorable and exuberant children on the face of the planet earth. They scream my name giddily, and hugs ensue. About five minutes later, I find myself desperate to go upstairs, change my clothes, pour a drink, check sports headlines or really participate in any activity that does not involve other human beings. Why am I suddenly attempting to escape my favorite people in the world? After reading this study, I would wager to say that I am seeking lower cortisol levels more than anything else. I actually love cooking, and I am the biggest neat freak in our home (for more on why I clean the shower, see this previous post - http://themarriageproject.blogspot.com/2011/05/trading-dusting-for-doing-it-or-honey.html). Still, that moment of solitary leisure is what I seek first.

This desire for relaxation eventually led to some conflict between myself and my lovely bride. There were Sunday afternoons where she embraced projects while I watched football. There were weekday evenings when changing my clothes turned into 15-20 minutes of reading internet headlines. At a certain point, we needed a frank conversation about how we could both accomplish some tasks and both relax. Otherwise, we were going to be pursuing our own individual relaxation within the same house…while the other spouse hung with the kids.

I would suggest we’ve met in the middle: she’s learned to value Sunday afternoon naps during football games, and I have learned to save my internet surfing for after our kids’ bed time. But it starts with understanding the different ways we relax. Thankfully, no one needs to measure two spouses’ cortisol level for that conversation to happen.

- Cliff (AKA The Husband)