The summer before Amber and I got married, I got a temporary job cold calling offices about their photocopier leases. Yes, it was painful. But you know what was even more painful than the work itself? That would be the commute. While I was initially planning to work in downtown Chicago, I ended up commuting to the far Northern suburbs instead. I averaged nearly an hour and a half one way in a car with no CD player and poor air conditioning. Little did I know, my marriage was at risk before it even began.
A Swedish study recently determined that long commutes (those over 45 minutes) can increase one’s chances of divorce by 40%:
The author’s study suggests that long commutes often lead to an imbalance of domestic duties: while one partner commutes, the other makes up for this absence by taking a lesser job that’s located nearby or handling some extra chores or solo parenting on a more regular basis. That’s extra stress for any relationship.
Thankfully, my reverse commute telemarketing career ended shortly after it started. I got married and began grad school…at a campus on the other side of Chicago. Whoops. Nonetheless, we have somehow survived living in a city where commutes can be long and tough. Here’s my best advice on simultaneously managing marriage and commutes:
1) Switch lanes when necessary
I average about a 35 minute commute from our home to my office, but I have multiple travel options available everyday. Sometimes I take the kids to daycare on the bus, sometimes I ride public transport on my own, sometimes I hitch a car ride with my lovely family and sometimes I ride my bike. Having a few different options makes it easier to adjust my commute to fit our life, rather than the other way around.
2) Document your ETA
I will admit that Amber and I probably invest too much conversation time on when we're leaving home every morning and when we're arriving home. Still, that's preferable to her wondering every evening why I'm not home yet or me wondering why she's rushing out the door so early. It's worth reviewing commute plans the night before, and it's worth checking in via telephone sometime late afternoon. That pesky domestic imbalance can creep in either way, but realistic expectations and honest conversations definitely relieve the pressure.
There are some quick thoughts on marriage from the #3 worst traffic city in the U.S. Oh, and I have one other piece of advice: never take a job that involves telemarketing, photocopiers and a long commute.
- Cliff (aka The Husband)
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