By now, everyone is probably fairly familiar with Dominique Strauss-Kahn's alleged exploits at a swanky New York hotel. But when "The Daily Show" punch lines stopped and France's indignation waned, Newsweek swept in with an exclusive poll documenting that "Many married men expect sex along with their room service." Find the article here:
http://www.newsweek.com/2011/06/05/hotel-confidential.html
If you're like me, Newsweek's claim caused a double-take: "MANY men expect sex along with their room service?" Really? I have been business traveling for nearly 6 years now, and at no point did I encounter anyone who operated under the assumption that hotel staff fluffed anything more than pillows. To be fair, as a government employee I'm more likely to stay at the Holiday Inn Express than the Pierre in New York. Still, this poll caught my attention and surprised me. How could this "dirty secret about business travel" have escaped my notice completely?
Well, it turns out "many" can be translated as 2%...that's how many men claim they have had sex with someone employed by the hotel where they stayed on business. That's it? That's the smoking gun? Is it me or was this marital epidemic perhaps slightly overstated? As previously documented in this blog, reports on the demise of marriage have been greatly exaggerated (February 14: Hopeful) and reports on infidelity seem similarly inflated (May 27: Sorry Arnold). What's with all the gloom and doom? Well, I have a theory.
One of the first lessons of social work is that there is great power in starting by identifying strengths rather than listing weaknesses. But that particular problem-solving approach remains a rarity. Our modern media environment only feeds this tendency: "Dire reports from Afghanistan!" "New links between cell phones and cancer!" "Many men expect housekeeper sex during every hotel stay!" Bad news clearly sells...but it also makes strength-based approaches to problem solving pretty difficult. It's human nature really. Folks find it easy to list everything that's wrong before talking about solutions, but it's not natural to start off with identifying the strengths and assets. Still, it's a shift worth making. For the social worker or community organizer, it means that every community has good things already happening and strengths that can be built upon. For those among us that are married, it means that there are probably some strengths in our relationships that can be enhanced and invested in.
Nonetheless, Newsweek opted not to run the following headline last week:
"Exclusive Newsweek poll indicates that 98% of married men have never had sex with hotel staffers!"
Similarly, the editors there decided against the following subheading:
"Apparently Dominique Strauss-Kahn was just a dirty old man, not a reflection on every business traveler in the world."
Oh, well. We'll keep beating the drum for positivity and strength finding. After all, that's what marriage is all about: seeing the best in another person and - just maybe - in ourselves.
- Cliff (aka The Husband)
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