Book Review: Spousonomics - Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage, and Dirty Dishes

I recently heard a joke that went something like this:

Two women are sitting at a bar, discussing the two suited gentlemen sitting at the other end. "I love a man with a dangerous job," one woman says. "Yeah," says the other. "Like accountants."

Okay, so it's not gut-splitting funny. But given our current economic environment, accountants, financial planners, and economists all seem to be in a dangerous line of work. And, thanks to Paula Szuchman and Jenny Anderson, it seems a little sexier than before.

Szuchman and Anderson are the authors of the latest, hottest marriage book, Spousonomics: Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage, and Dirty Dishes. If economics text books had been as interesting as this one, I might have taken the class in college.

Following a fairly formulaic pattern, the authors introduce an economic principle (with their witty, slightly ironic style) and then provide a handful of marital case studies to illustrate the principle's utility in addressing marriage problems.

The tie between economics and marriage is at times a bit gimmicky. But it's a gimmick that fits the attitude of my generation, so I forgive the authors for their use of economics as a literary device. Get past this, and you'll most likely enjoy the book.

Perhaps the best part of the book are the case studies: real stories taken from interviews the authors conducted. Who doesn't like a glimpse into the real-life drama of someone else's marriage? Especially when it makes your own seem nearly perfect in comparison.

Szuchman and Anderson would have something to say about that. Think your marriage is near-perfect? You could be suffering from "confirmation bias," an economic term whereby individuals seek out information that confirms their expectations. Too much of this can lead to a bubble ... and we all know that's no good. When the marital bubble bursts, you can turn to "creative destruction," another economic term, to find new and vibrant strengths of your relationship.


Is Marriage Just Another Unit of Production?

Not surprisingly, the book focuses on the trade and production aspects of marriage rather than happiness or meaningful companionship. The case studies involve couples working out how to share household chores, how to divide parenting responsibilities, how to convince her to have more sex (or him to have the kind of sex she likes), how to agree on weekend activities.

As a result, the case studies can end a little flat: sure, there was progress made, but you sense the chapter ended before the story did. That perhaps the root of the problem hasn't been addressed. What becomes of these marriages surely goes a lot deeper than the utilization of an overly-simplified economic principle.

Just the same, the book is easy to read and contains enough nuggets of insight to justify the time you spend doing so. Here are a few of the economic terms that may just earn a place in my vocabulary.


New Vocab Words

Loss Aversion: In economics, this is the concept that losing hurts much more than wining feels good. Our aversion to loss is so intense that we often behave in destructive ways. (For example, a gambler who is down $10,000 may keep gambling, trying to win back his savings.) In marriage we refuse to say we're sorry because we don't want to be seen as giving in. We fail to compromise - and force a stalemate - because we insist in having our way. We keep arguing long after we've both stopped listening to what the other is saying.

Use It Now: In marriage as in gambling, sometimes it's better to just stop. Go to bed angry, and wake up happier and ready to talk more rationally. Reframe the choice, and see if the new perspective makes compromise seem more reasonable.

Moral Hazard: This is the idea that when we have insurance, we behave differently. We don't understand the true cost of our medical care to our insurance company, so we go along with the doctor's suggestion for endless, perhaps unnecessary tests. We don't take careful care of our rental car. We trust our spouse will always be there for us, so we get a little lazy in basic marriage maintenance.

Use It Now: Counteract moral hazard by avoiding bailouts: don't get lazy, expecting your spouse to swoop in with solutions. And don't offer endless bailouts either. Additionally, you can create a new "regulatory framework," or shared agreements about expectations. Violate an expectation and you can expect there to be consequences.

Asymmetric Information: In business or politics, inequalities develop when one party has information the other one doesn't. Think about the last time you bought a used car: did the seller tell you everything you needed to know to make an informed decision?

In marriage, asymmetric information creates frustrations: what seems obvious to one partner (I said I wanted the screen door fixed two weeks ago ... why haven't you done it?) isn't always so obvious for the other partner (You told me six things that need to be done. How am I to know your priorities?)

Use It Now: Learn to signal priorities, explain emotions, and otherwise get all the relevant information out on the table.

In short, Spousonomics is an entertaining read with nuggets of marital and economic truth. I suspect a real student of either field would feel the book falls far short of the real complexity of life or markets. But for the casual reader, the cost to benefit analysis is positive.